Faith :: Enemy of Your Destiny

     I was reminded of a simple, but powerful truth… “The enemy of your destiny is procrastination.” I know, we sometimes think of destiny as this force that will come about no matter the decisions or moves an individual makes. I understand that view, and believe it up to a point. There are things fated to happen; for example, the Bible in the book of Genesis lays out a few of these things:

“Seedtime and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night will never cease.” 

     Our world operates under a set of pre-ordained imperatives. But how we act or operate in the imperatives will then determine the nature of our Destiny. If we could understand this truth, we would be able to live, I think, in a manner moving towards the best possible future. Could it be that there are at least two fates we could inherit; one that happens to us and one that we can cause to happen? In my own personal experience, the fullness of my “best” destiny has not played out that way. I believe that humanity was designed for greatness, made for excellence.  Yet there are not too many of us living in the bigness of what we were made for. Why? Could it be that we all could have a phenomenal future… fate… destiny, if we simply acted with that in mind.

     When I got married, I knew children would be part of our DESTINY. I say I knew because I came across Psalms 127:3-5 and it spoke of a fate God had ordained for a husband and wife.

Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
    the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
    are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
    with your quivers full of children!

     Yet, about 8 years ago my wife and I struggled with a destiny that seemed deferred. In my very being, I felt called to father. Not just father but be the father of 4 children. Not just 4 children but 2 daughters and 2 sons. And not just any daughters and sons, my wife and I would parent; Karis, Victoria, Mark & Luke.

     When my church moved into its current location, the congregation was invited to write down prayers, the names of unsaved loved ones and faith declarations into the exposed walls. My wife and I did this, but I was a little strategic in where I placed our request. Behind the stage, where my Pastor preaches ever week, I wrote down a scripture verse and 4 names. I did that because I knew that every Sunday, when I sat in service, I would be able to look at the spot where I put my faith into words, not necessarily for others to see, but maybe for God to take notice of.

     Long story short, months after that moment, I was diagnosed with a condition that would prevent us from that promise in psalms… When we received that doctor’s report that we would not be able to conceive, I felt as if destiny had been destroyed.

The hard thing to admit then was that

I almost missed out on my best possible future

because

I had limited my thinking

when it came to what God was inviting me to be a part of.

     You see, that report caused me to loose sight of what we were called to- being amazing parents. So after a year of procrastination, I took a step of faith and began to go through a regiment of fertility treatment. When that did not work, I took another step of faith and asked God what was going on. Was I waiting wrongly? So I prayed with my wife and we felt that God had in fact destined us for children. Sometime later my church was celebrating an anniversary and I saw a picture of my portion of the wall, my scripture and the 4 names of my unborn children.

Galatians 4: 4-7

^4-7 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Thus we have been set free to experience our rightful heritage. You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn’t that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

            My children were unborn, but not un-conceived. They are conceived in my mind, my heart and I believe the heart of God. And if adoption was how God was going to bring me into his family… then perhaps He was inviting my wife and I to do the same! My wife and I were able to foster than adopt our 1^st daughter Karis (Grace in Greek), and we our fostering a 7 month old that we pray will become our Victoria. In a church service, my Pastor said something that reminded me of the names on the wall, behind where he preaches… “Faith in the Waiting is Preparing you for Faith in the warring!”

            I am grateful for moments of faith that create destiny. For things said and done in faith that will impact the future for the better, cause the timing of God to become a reality. At my church, Metro Life, we will be flipping the sanctuary and the wall with the names will be coming down.  I am excited that walls are coming down at my church to make more room for lives that need to enter into a better future… 

I just need to figure out how to get my piece of the wall down because Mark and Luke are still on their way.

Fosterhood :: Listening for Gods Direction During The Quiet Sadness

"I am after Love that last, not more religion. I want you to know God not go to more prayer meetings." 

Hosea 6:6

Hosea 6:6 in the Bible had me asking myself, "did I know God enough to recognize His work in my life?"  You see, I had no doubt that God lives and works, but I was wondering if He had time to live and work in me. After finding out I could not father a child through natural means, I started asking God for a supernatural intervention. 

I started running in 2011; the turmoil in my life had caused me to gain a lot of weight and not only did running help me start to lose the weight, but it became therapy for me. It started out with me running around my block, one time around and then another and then another. I still had a lot of questions and I felt like I needed the answers before I could move on. Regrettably, I felt there was no one in my world that could relate and could be a sounding board. I have come to refer to this feeling as "The Quiet Sadness." 

It is the feeling of sadness you carry not really knowing that it is in fact sadness. It is the frustration and doubt in your spirit even when your intellect is trying to rightly convince you of the truth you know. It is the most curious of feelings and emotions and it can consume you unless you begin to do something to refocus.

Running became my time to refocus and talk with God. It became a time for me to listen for Him (see my very 1st blog Runners High). I will admit, sometimes I do wish God would speak louder. I don't think my wife actually knew how therapeutic running became in my life. All I can say is that I did not want to burden her more. Our home was going into foreclosure, the bank kept preventing us from short selling and we still had not fully recovered economically to make needed repairs on our roof. Our home was broken into and not only did we have to deal with the loss of things but also the loss of security.

It seemed like with every new stress and strain, my runs got longer and longer. I started to run the Rickenbacker Causeway. I'd get there before sunrise and time it so that just as I got to the summit of the bridge I would see the sun coming up over the horizon. Every time I ran, my thoughts, my conversations with God would go deeper. 

My request before God, for Him to supernaturally heal me, make me well and whole so I could become a father, had yet to be answered by the close of the 2011. So as 2012 started, I was inspired to have one of the longest conversations with God I had up until that point. On January 7th I had my wife drop me off at the southern most point of South Beach and I began to run.

The first three miles took me through great moments in my city. Beautiful moments filled with beautiful architecture, beautiful people and beautiful weather, yet Quiet Sadness was still with me... almost chasing me. As I began mile four my sadness turned to anger. At first I thought my anger was towards God. "How could He be doing this to me?", I asked.   Then my anger shifted.  As I crossed into mile 8, I ran and I realized I was angry at me.  I was upset at myself for being scared to trust God, for the fear that I had allowed to consume my thoughts and for the lie that had become my shadow: that I was less than a man, broken. 

Each mile a new moment with God, a new revelation into me, a cutting away of the quiet sadness. 14 miles run a little less than 1 to get home and I was done. I was tired of the quiet sadness between me and God. I reached out to God, He listened to me, and I felt Him. By the end of my run, my feet hurt, my legs hurt and I was tired, but I had never felt so at peace. 

I could stop running... I was ready to see all the doctors I needed to see and do what ever it took to become a father.  I was determined to have a "Go Plan" for 2012. 

This was not the last time the quiet sadness would come into my life, but when it does, I know what to do...